Now, I was a competitive bodybuilder and, thus, no slouch myself but, I took one look at the size of that burly customs agent’s fingers, imagined them covered in blue latex, and gulped.  Hard.  I suddenly heard Big Chick Huntsberry’s voice inside my head saying, “Mike, you’re big.  But this guy, he’s REAL BIIG!!”

Have you ever heard a robin sing on a spring morning?  It sings non-stop (which can be very irritating if you’re trying to sleep in that particular morning).  Call me robin.  ‘Cause I started to siiiing!!!

I earnestly told the burly customs agent that I truly did not know anything about the Rolex watch and that the bag I had carried to his counter belonged to Gilbert, the bodyguard of Prince.  (Now, would you believe that this burly customs agent actually asked, “Who is Prince?”?!)
After I had completely spilled my guts, the burly customs told me to wait and he left the room.  It seemed like about a half hour passed before he came back and simply said, “You can go.”  I picked up my things, including Gilbert’s carry-on (minus the Rolex box, of course) and left the room.  As I walked down the short hallway past the other, what I knew now to be, strip search rooms, I looked into on and there stood Gilbert.  I looked closer and saw he was writing out a check.  I learned later that he was fined $3,000.00! $1,500 for the tariff on the Rolex and $1,500 for trying to sneak it into the country.  I also later learned that, while I had been left holding the box, Gilbert’s #2 man, Hucky Austin, was wearing the Rolex high up on his forearm beneath his suit coat sleeve.  He, too, was able to waltz right through customs with no problems.  Have you ever heard the term, ‘fall guy’?

I made my way back up to the general population and found the Parade entourage still waiting for our connecting flight home to Minneapolis.  I was quickly approached by tour managers Alan Leeds and Karen Krattinger (K2) who wanted to know all that had happened and if I was alright.  I was telling them of my intense experience when, around the corner, came Gilbert; with a smirk on his face.  It looked as if he thought the whole incident was funny!  I didn’t.  I was mad and, in my anger, dropped Gilbert’s carry-on bag on his feet and, through clenched teeth, said, “Next time, carry your own %#*@^&$ bag!”  Then I simply turned and walked away…  But, to this very day, almost 20 years later, I still have one question…..

Where’s The Rolex?!

Respectfully submitted by:
Michael Oakvik
Prince Bodyguard  1984 – 1988 (Purple Rain, Parade, Sign O’ The Times, Lovesexy)